We can ask ourselves the question, what is the difference is between responding and reacting?
Reacting is an impulsive action – meaning there is no thought to it. In addition to this, it can be beneficial in some ways in my perspective, for example – we can react to going skydiving or taking a trip somewhere we have never been. If we put more thought into (responding) to that I believe it would probably create a bit of fear and we might back out last minute. Neither one is necessarily the worst one to choose, they both serve a certain purpose for situations and have their cons and pros! However, in social situations reacting can have consequences and we might say things we don’t actually mean, creating tension between two people. That’s where responding becomes the winning factor in this situation. Responding is a process where we observe, listen and pause. Thinking before we speak with more thoughtfulness and compassion. When we calm our mind we find clarity and our mind can guide us to a solution based speech.These two elements are important to understand because based on what we choose to do, reacting or responding can manipulate the way we see situations and how they will unfold.
The second element of true love is compassion. Compassion is the capacity to understand the suffering in oneself and in the other person. If you understand your own suffering, you can help him to understand his suffering. Understanding suffering brings compassion and relief. You can transform your own suffering and help transform the suffering of the other person with the practice of mindfulness and looking deeply.
Thích Nhất Hạnh
In light of knowing the differences between responding and reacting, Let’s get cut to the tips on how we can respond rather than react in social situations – when we are angry, sad, hurt. As well being hurt, we can feel like we need space or our boundaries are being pushed and we need to stick up for ourselves and let the person know, lovingly, compassionately and mindfully are the keywords here.
- Mentally, we can take time to pause and to find the breath. This helps calm down our mind and gather our thoughts in a orderly manner. we can do this anytime, anywhere , connecting with the breath means reconnecting back with our true self.
- Schedule a time to meet up and talk about it with that person. Perhaps, If we are hurt, sad, etc and what we say will probably just hurt the other person as well as ourselves, we can tell the other person we can’t talk right now and we need to take time to spend alone. We can then write out what we want to say – and then later when the emotion passes we can come back to that letter and revise it in a more mindful loving way to express that previous thought. It is more time consuming, yet, a profound opening experience with better communication and relationships. Today, we seem to be addicted to the instant gratification… meaning we want our needs met right now. We have become impatient because of this and have our anxiety increased if not relayed with an answer right away. With this in mind, this is something we can unlearn and reverse the anxiety that stems from it.
- Be sure to listen without making assumptions or judgements. Don’t worry if thoughts like this intrude, our minds will create them. Providing this, we can respond by letting them pass, whether we’re listening to a loved one express themself, or just listening to ourselves speak and how our body reacts.
- Responding and reacting internally – we can observe how we speak and respond to others… Having said that, even more so ourselves because when we learn how to take care of our minds and speech we can then follow through in a loving manner with the world and people around us. We can highly encourage ourselves to practice the tips above not just for others, but for us. I believe this is probably the most important thing I can say because once we heal our lives – starting with the thoughts that swim through our minds everyday, we can progress into a more loving, compassionate, understanding and empathetic state. Significantly, we will invite these qualities in and carry it on for others as well. Think about this, if we are out of touch with ourselves, how can we ever expect to communicate authentically with other people?
Responding with loving speech is a way of nourishing, healing, connecting and creating a safe space for ourselves and others. It digs at a new pathway we haven’t seen before. Producing deeper relationships, love, empathy and becoming happier and richer in our own lives.
Thank you for reading and please let me know if you tried this and have any feedback.
May you be safe, healthy and happy,
Neena
