The regression of self-improvement and how it can damage the present
I can relate to this subject and still often I can catch myself feeling guilty or ashamed if I am not doing what my “higher self” or “best self” would do, but these coined terms I believe must be flipped on their heads because it is saying that we are not good enough now. I always had to ask, what would my best self would do? I would always guilt myself if I chose something that didn’t exactly make me out to be my best self, like going out to a party with friends. I would always chase improvement, locking myself away in my cell of the world with the greatest self-help books and trying any spiritual path I could find in my travels to feel like the best self, the better improved me. Not necessarily to impress anyone, but because it was such a rush improving, until I realised that was all I was doing. I was not enjoying life, I was not reflecting as much, I wasn’t letting myself relax, I was constantly in my head and over analyzing myself how I was saying things and doing things. Then I realised my entire world comprised nothing but improving. I wanted time to understand, reflect, enjoy, relax and let things unfold naturally,to be good enough right now, without me critiquing everything. Maybe you are in the same transition as I can be sometimes so here are some things I’ve learned and caught myself doing. I hope this read can open up your eyes and take the time to reflect instead of judge yourself.
Self-help, self-improvement, and self-development are beautiful instruments we can carry on our backs and let soothe our souls. Still, sometimes, they can become a piece of baggage that we may have not acknowledged, until how far we have taken this unique instrument with us. If it is no longer needed to be strapped so tightly around us, just played when it’s appropriate, what is the use of the instrument when we use it, is it just to show that we can always take it farther?
This is what I feel it is like to be on a self-improvement journey constantly. Of course, we need to improve as humans to evolve, but this does not mean our entire spectrum of life has to develop around the attitude of always improving.
We do not need this specific book or that specific (spiritual) journey and so forth, books and trying different paths are always great to find ourselves, but we must also see how we can lose ourselves in these techniques as well; we are completely different in how we choose our paths and where we are going. We have to follow our hearts and souls sometimes and remember that it is okay not to be on the same journey as another.
Here are some examples that can lead to anxiety if we do not live up to our own expectations of being our “best self”:
Based in the Future – (When) I am X then I will be Good Enough
Noticing how we speak inside of our minds or to others is a huge indicator of where we are. Are we in the past, present, or future?
We can start at this moment. We see we are and always have been good enough now, not when we become this or wait til we get that certificate or diploma. If we must chase or be worthy of the life we want, it is damaging to our future and our mental health; Letting go of the lacking or improvement mindset and rise into an abundant and grateful mindset.
We Love Control
We obsess over the control we think we have of the future. We’re trained to think that we have to be chasing or pursuing ourselves to be of worth and value, constantly chasing a new goal or the next best thing to make us feel superior within ourselves. We need to allow ourselves to enjoy where we are. What do we need to let go of? Control. Expectations.
We need more reflection and presence in our own lives. An inner peace and knowing that this is good enough. This world has convinced us that our worth lies somewhere else and not who we are right now.
“The Healer Trap” – What Do We think Being Spiritual Means?
Being spiritual is just being who we are with awareness and loving-kindness, we don’t need to trap ourselves in this certain dialogue “I need this darkness to heal or push away my desires to get the life I want or stop doing this and start doing this to be more spiritual.”
Healing looks different for everyone. We are deserving right now of what we want, not when we’re most spiritual or healed or so forth, the moment is never in the future; we create the future in the present.
Click Here for a YouTube video to practice being present
Become present in your life and it will become the most powerful tool/instruments to realize how much you are worthy.
How do you feel about this certain topic? I hope you enjoyed this read.
Neena xx
