Pointing fingers can be easier than doing the work we need to put in ourselves.
We might struggle through life with this thought in the back of our minds. In fact, we may be even striving for perfection because of it, but nothing ever seems to prevail from it other than guilt, shame, and mental exhaustion. The burden of these words can absolutely affect our whole life and I will begin to explain why we need to find the solution at the root and replace it forever, with a more accurate description of who we truly are. Perhaps, we adopted this belief from childhood, and throughout the years it has blossomed into this reflection of our outer reality which we operate from in every moment. Carrying this belief as heavy as stones on our backs… With each stone we pick up things we wish we could be and achieve, not knowing the weight it carries. When we have this ingrained in our head. We say to ourselves ” I can’t be this, this and this ALL together! That’s just ridiculous.” It causes a downgrade to ourselves and also what we expect from others. We downplay everything in life while burning ourselves out with the constant nag of our minds tugging at our necks. Let’s stop second-guessing ourselves, put down the stones, turn them into diamonds and break down the cause of this.
“I’m not good enough” doesn’t have to be said to ourselves, the mere act of it talks for us. For most women, in my personal opinion, I think struggle with this belief. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements and propaganda of the ideal beauty standards, weight loss/diet pills, Hollywood films, make-up, skincare, and plastic surgery. The list goes on but I think the idea here is that it is shown everywhere that women are never good enough. It’s only for their own benefit, which in turn will make us want to buy anything that makes us feel as close to what we feel or see on the screen or billboards. Especially with social media, this is more enhanced than ever. But, I also believe that we can use the media for the better by shining light on the wrongness and evil it has caused within our bodies and minds.
It is indeed hard to juggle the daily tasks of life as a woman with all of the extra push onto us. This is mostly from western cultures, which in turn is spreading all over the world. For example, women in Fiji, who had a higher percentage of body fat, did not have the same particular body ideal type until television came along in the late 1900s… They saw women in the west with lower body fat which has to lead to a skyrocket of achieving the same body structure/type! Even being in relationships we might have been cheated on or left out in friendships which leads to this spiral of confusion and uncertainty of our own worth. From these examples, we can now see that the things we see, influence our lives every single day, whether we know it or not. Ideal body types and opinions will always come and go, but we and the thoughts we have to carry within our bodies and minds last forever (at least forever as in this lifetime we are currently living). Therefore, we must make sure it’s the comfiest, safest, and utmost loving place to live in.
What can we do to establish a healthier relationship with ourselves and kick out this belief for good?
1.We have to develop self-awareness – When we watch something or are around people, we have to notice what our thoughts are saying to us. If we can catch ourselves in a certain situation that makes this thought arise, we are ultimately catching thieves that steal our joy! We can then ask, “why do I think I’m not good enough and where did this come from?” We might get immediate answers from this or we might have to sit still and listen for the answer, but it will show us within time if we are patient and have this question lurking in our minds, like a virus detector looking for the culprit in our computers, but our “brain computers” we can say here.
2. When we hear this thought in our minds or catch ourselves trying to perfect a certain situation, we can reiterate the thought of ” you know what, I am good enough and here’s why.” Or, you can simply catch your breath and say ” I am worthy”. You can list all of the things that you are proud of and happy about yourself with. It doesn’t have to relate to productivity, because productivity does not determine your self-worth. This is not an opinion or an affirmation in its own sense, this is a true statement because everything around us will lead us to believe that we will never be good enough, but in fact, it’s up to ourselves to feel a certain way, it’s about what we let inside of us. We were always perfect and unique before we were led into these mouse traps. Perhaps, we can look back on our lives and how we felt when we were a child. There was nothing more we cared about than the friends we had or the playfulness we expressed. All we wanted to do was be ourselves and we accepted ourselves fully, because of this nothing else mattered or could make a statement more powerful than that in our lives. It is not too late to feel the same way again.
3. Delete old programs and beliefs that surround this thought – Let’s make a list of all the things we feel like we lack. We can look at these closely and see on the same list where we have adopted these beliefs from, even if we don’t figure it out fully, we can see how it has come from an outside source.
4. From this point on, however, we can see how we have been trying our best with what we have and what we know. We need to give ourselves a break and know that we are not machines, we deserve rest, peace, appreciation, empathy, and self-love. It all comes back to the way we feel about ourselves, anything from the external world does not matter or will not make us happy. The more external things we accumulate, the more we will feel like we have to keep buying or giving into these things to feel “good enough”. We must break the pattern and fill our internal world with these qualities stated above and the external will have no effect on us, if we are happy with who we are, no one will be able to tell us otherwise or have such a huge influence on our minds. It’s like waking up to a prison that we didn’t even realise we were in and breaking from the chains of society’s structures that laid so heavy upon us.
Let’s keep reminding ourselves that we’re doing the best we can and that is good enough! Of course, we can say we can always do “better”, but doing “better” is not necessarily what is best for us at this moment or even true. It is what we think we can do because that is what was pushed onto us. What we can do is put in an equal amount of effort and surrender that will not cause strain or harm to our mental health. The main source is to create so much self-love that nothing can bend or break us and even if it does, we can recognize these functions and bounce back even harder.
I hope this has cleared your mind and worked for you. Please let me know if you tried this or even if this has made a positive impact on your mental health/lifestyle choices.
All the best and wish you a life filled with peace and love,
Neena
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