Vulnerable. That’s the word I’m going to use for this segment of my blog because not everything is exactly what it seems or what people show. I think it’s especially important now to share this with the world because I know we all feel this, I know more people out there have these taunting thoughts when they are alone, only to be left with the human clay suit and their own heads to rely on but, what if we don’t even feel safe inside of our own mind? I think this also ties into the last post I wrote on about shifting consciousness, let’s say this is the sequel of it and how it manifests through us.
The Beginning: The Voice
For me, this is how it starts, from a nostalgic memory or event that I miss or a person. I start to rationalize all the worst possible outcomes that didn’t even happen. Any bit of stress overfolds me like a chair that it squeezes me so tight where I can’t breathe. I shut down. I rather not deal with it at all and let it eat at me and what eats at me? This voice.
“No one actually cares about you,” “nothing matters anyway you’re going to die, so why do anything at all?”, “What is the point of doing anything?” This voice is familiar, but let me say this… it is NOT your friend, this voice makes you feel like you are absolutely nothing but a waste of space in this world. It may go away when you’re around people, but as soon as you’re alone for more than a few hours or days, this voice is like an echoing rage of terror that interferes with the real voice you use outside. How did this even appear and why is it the controller of my life? You might ask. It was there when you planted it, you watered the seeds of the forbidden fruit and it has sprouted into this natural disaster which now exists in your head.
You fed onto those thoughts and it spread like wildfire into other ones, it’s like a disease in your mind that you need to get rid of before you actually start listening over your real voice. This demon, let’s say, can also become apart of you from childhood, listening to unjust truths and not feeling wanted or loved in childhood, even now in today’s society, there is so much in the media that tells us we are not good enough and we have to do this step by step process until we are, we will never reach it, you know why? It. Does. Not. Exist. Maybe you were traumatized by a past/current relationship with family, friends, or loved one. You, my friend, are not alone. I get this way too. Running away does not solve anything. I have tried to do everything I could to get rid of this, but only externally – for it to just create bigger issues in my life.
Become aware of trigger points/startup of the process You have lost your mind and given it the power to something that is not you, but has become part of you. What you need to do, now that you are more aware of the situation is to wait for the next time it starts happening, it will happen again and again until you deal with it, don’t shut down, whatever you do – think of our minds like a computer, there’s a virus on it, what do you do? Do you clean it out? Do you let it completely damage your computer and shut it down? No. You deal with it first hand and get that sucker out of there. This is really something I struggle with daily, I know how hard it is, but I also know when I didn’t have it, this voice came to visit again because I watered it for a year in my garden of peace and now it’s back to bite. The one thing I can say that really helps me personally with this is knowing that the voice isn’t you because if it was it would stay, you can make it leave. It takes patience and practice but it will merrily go on it’s way to hell.
The work in progress Now, I want you to create something, anything, you have to make yourself feel something other than pain, make your pain into art, and whatever that may be doing it. It’s always relieving when you get out your emotions, you don’t want them to bundle up in your body, even if you need to scream, cry, kick, yell- you do just that. You’re moving the energy out of your body! What is most important: Sitting with yourself through it.
No distractions. It’s harder to be alone than with people, but you will understand yourself more if you do this. Meditate. Every single day. Ask yourself questions. Some examples you can ask if you don’t know where to start: “What can I do to make myself feel better?” “What is the pain stemming from?” “What can I fix right now?” Set an intention before you meditate or sleep to go deeper into your subconscious, it has all the memory there.
Set daily tasks or goals Really? Yeah. I know you’ve heard this before, but it does work. It works because you’re giving yourself something to do other than fogging up your mind space, it’s an intention within itself, you feel more accomplished, let’s say. The goal could simply be giving yourself a nice massage or making you or someone smile. My best advice is to be at service with others, I say this because there’s no better feeling in the world to help someone in a struggle when you feel the same way, it’s sort of like an acceptance that we are all humans going through some weird gunk and we are here to support each other through it anyway. It helps you feel less alone.
Learn to love being alone At first it’s difficult, especially if you are someone who feeds off of other people’s energies and brings you higher or if you have just had a recent heartbreak from a loved one of many years or months. It takes time to heal. It seems like everything is fine until you go home as I said to the pounding thoughts you can’t seem to escape from. It’s the first step to liberation. Once you learn to be alone and start to love it, no one can take your power away, that is the point where you know you have taken all of it back. If you love your own company, you become your own best friend. The voice sheds its skin into a blossoming flower of comfort and pep talks!
I think at first it’s weird because you’re sitting there like, “I’m so bored, what do I do with myself?” You are just not used to it and when you start creating, finding more out about yourself it becomes addicting but most importantly empowering, you become your own inspiration, I suggest deleting your social media apps for a while, repeat affirmations daily to replace these thoughts, maybe even pick up some things that scare the hell out of you to show the voice who’s boss and oh! Try a ten-day vipassana retreat. That will really get you into your core of the truth of what is really bothering you. It is very hard but worth it, it’s like a whole refresh button for your mind. Check it out on google!
Start fresh- every single day In conclusion to this, I want you to know that you have to take this seriously or it’s never going to work and the voice will remain inside of your head forever until you put some action into it. Know when you need help and to get it. I believe everyone deserves a peaceful, joyous life because we are not here for a long time and we should all be at our highest potential to make the most out of it. Honor yourself, honor your life, you might only have one.
