**My personal journey and experience healing trauma without medication**
Trauma looks different on everyone and can mean several things that was a traumatic experience for them. We do not need to define something that scars us as something that lessens us or strengthens us. Trauma causes something that has happened and continues to live on inside our bodies and minds. We do not need to use it as an identity or a shield. We can use it to understand, grieve, get help, heal, and work through it.
Everyone has had a childhood, during these years of being a child we rely on our parents or caretakers to hold our hands through life and teach us about the world through their eyes. The eyes of some parents and caretakers may not have been a wielding light but rather a deeply dark set of eyes that are lost, sad, and perhaps had a traumatic experience of their own they’ve never dealt with. Which, can cause the child to fight and fend for themselves. Developing an early maturity and responsibility they should not have needed to have yet. This doesn’t have to be in childhood that trauma happens, it can be anytime throughout life, but for this story, I will give a personal example of my childhood. It wasn’t the prettiest. It was hard; I do not blame my parents for trying their best at what they could do at the time, but I cannot deny that I was in pain internally for much of my life. Secretly hiding myself away from the world until my 20s, really. In high school I was too good at putting up a mask for others and myself that I didn’t even know I had one on until later years when it slipped off, a veil raised, after just talking to someone in an Airbnb room after a long day of failure in Scotland, coming from another side of the world which was completely different, too small to run away in and began spilling everything I didn’t know I had out, it wasn’t a therapist but; it was my comfortability and trust with them that allowed me to process and digest in front of them.
I never realised how much trauma and pain I was carrying with me throughout. I just wanted to get better. I am not against therapy, but at the time I was trying the other medicinal route into Eastern practices. Even after those practices nothing seemed to work. I tried traveling which opened me up, sure, but it did not heal me per se. I claimed I was healed anyway, putting up that mask again. Now at 26, I can say I am finally breaking walls, not just doors.
How did I do this? You could ask, or you could tell me to get lost at this point. That there is no hope for you. Well, I am a pure example of not becoming a product of my environment, so in that being said, You can be your own proof too.
- Developing a Ritual/Practice that speaks to you. If you do not have one, you can now take the first step into discovering what that is for you. Mine, you guessed it, is yoga. Why is it always yoga I’m blabbering on about? Because! It really is a way of life, not because of the movement but the way we use the pose to get into our bodies. Following the 8 limbs of yoga. Asking ourselves questions, making sure we are feeling comfortable within ourselves, releasing the tensions we find in each pose, and letting ourselves rest.
- Knowing Ourselves. Please don’t be angry with me for mentioning it all the time, but I insist that meditation was a huge part of my healing process and continues to be. If we really think about it, not in a woo-woo way, Sitting with ourselves for even 20 minutes allows us to organize and see our thoughts plastered across our mind’s eye, where things stem from, like a weed we can pluck out, explore or let go of. We can truly discover what has caused our hurts and sorrows and also our joys.
- Talking to a close friend or loved one out loud or a therapist. I was absolutely against this idea that I needed to talk to someone to feel better, that journaling could help just as much, and well as much as I love journaling, I believe speaking Outloud or talking to someone just gives us that extra push to spill our dirt into the earth, to have someone listen. People listening to our pains and giving us perspective helps lift weights. I mean heavier weights than the ones at the gym. It helps more than keeping it all locked up inside.
- Not repressing anger or sadness when it comes up randomly. Sometimes a thing a person says to us or an experience might trigger our fight response or trauma, making us feel sad and or angry. The time that it does that is an opportunity to understand why it’s popping up. For example, I would become irritated if someone didn’t answer me after planning to spend a day together. I realised that was the emotion I was feeling as a child as well, because I never had quality time with my mum much and that was teaching me to retreat into myself and become self-sufficient, acting out of detached behavior. The more I understood the more I used a different response to the situation and little by little, my moods shifted and as with it, my life.
- Stop running from ourselves. I used traveling as a distraction to run away, always having something new to do, look, be around, or become involved in. Is there anything we can use as a distraction to run from ourselves instead of facing ourselves? Examples could also be a phone. I now do not use traveling as a distraction, but more as a way to understand the world and become the observer to use for my art, writing, and inspiration overall.
- Reading books to understand trauma, depression, and anxiety. It doesn’t even need to be self-help. Although some of them are pretty spectacular at opening yourself up. I will recommend some fiction and nonfiction here. Non-fiction: ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle, ‘The Art of Communicating‘ by Thích Nhất Hạnh, ‘The Body Keeps the Score‘, ‘The Power of letting go‘ by John Purkiss, ‘Karma‘ by Sadhguru (currently still reading, It’s difficult to read if you are solely focused on what he is saying), ‘Mind Strength Method‘ by Dr Jodie Lowinger. Fiction: ‘Colourful’ by Eto Mori, ‘The Song Of Achilles’ by Madeline Miller, ‘1Q84′ by Haruki Murakami. There are many more but for now, I will leave that to rest.
- Practicing Ishvara Pranidhana. If you do not know what it is, I’ll add some links here you can read, it might just change your outlook on life and your own practice in life.https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/philosophy/the-practice-of-surrender/. https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/philosophy/yoga-sutras/path-happiness/?pianouser=true
I have been practicing Ishvara pranidhana since I was a child, maybe it’s because coming from a religious background, and going to a catholic school for 8 years of my life. Before basking in the ocean I would pluck a frangipani and send it into the ocean as a way to say thank you. I carried those rituals with me through to today. I send an internal blessing before saying hello to someone. Before drifting off into sleep, I always set an intention that all people that I know, find the hope, faith, joy, peace, and health they are looking for, even if it’s just for a moment to know they are loved.
I practice the art of surrender every day now, trusting that I am in good hands and that I will always be taken care of, the faith in that has never let me down. Whether you’re religious, having faith that you will be okay could ignite a fire in you that will make it true for yourself. I think having faith bigger than ourselves can lead to a lessening of weight, that if we can not go on any longer, we will be carried through the faith of surrender. This surrender can lead us to an inner sense of direction of rightful action. Whatever path you’re on is a journey it will lead to love through the heart.
If you stayed this long to read this article, I want to personally say thank you for listening to a bit of my story; You are not a product of your environment. I wish you the courage to find the Ishvara Pranidhana and the sense of direction that is needed to heal. It’s not a linear journey either. Give yourself the kindness and peace you deserve. Feel free to share anything in the comments that might help today or someone else.
Thank you again,
