Disclaimer – What is seen as a feminine appearance does mean it is the right way of being nor is it the true definition of what feminity is… It is all about its essence. I use this term (essence) frequently because it compacts much power and meaning beyond it. Therefore, please take the word “feminine” delicately and not a gender expectation of some sort. It is within all of us.
I was lost in a society that implied I needed to develop a character of independence, outspokenness, rigidness, and aloofness. It felt like I had to seem mystique, yet rough around the edges to keep people around me or even likable. Upholding myself in a way where it did not feel natural to me. I had to become more aggressive/ assertive in what I wanted. As much as I tried, I felt it did not fit my character underneath this “masculine” shield. I did feel like I had this in me while growing up, but the more I thought about it as a woman, I realise I put on this shield as a means to protect myself. Acting as if softness was a weakness – to imitate a man’s personal characteristics – there is nothing wrong in imitating it as a woman, however, when it does not feel natural and forced, I think that is where I run/continue to run into problems.
I tried hard to keep this mask on until I reached the ripe age of twenty-three and realized that I do not need to do these things to be loved or cared for, or even valued in the world. I think in my personal development journey there is a unique path to being graceful, soft-spoken, receptive, and gentle. Starting by setting healthy, firm boundaries in a way where it does not need to come to a position of reaction, but more an internal reconciliation of compassion. There is so much to say on the topic of how the world is changing and how we should begin to act. If we are to give in to everything new or aesthetically pleasing, then how are we ever supposed to know who we are and what feels right to us? If I am feeling like this is the most me I can be by exuding the attributes of femininity, then that is my life path and my truth. To clarify, this is not always the same for everyone.
On the other hand, I think it is important to speak about what we are consumed by on social media regarding who we are.
There is something to be said for the way we carry and talk, and hold ourselves. Surely, there can be an elegant way of setting boundaries and stating when we feel uncomfortable, sad, or angry. There is not just one path for one thing… Loops and shortcuts and avenues are available for us with an open mind.
We can find “assertiveness” in femininity in contrast to the masculine, of course, it will not look the same. Again, power lies in both characteristic qualities.
The Art of Softness II:
We can put a high value on vulnerability and who we share it with. If we share it with just anyone and they have no idea who we are and how they can handle our vulnerability, as a result, we are setting ourselves up to mistrust people because not everyone can be responsible for our vulnerability – which is a means to our hearts, so choosing who loves and cares for us is a huge part of what we can accept and place value on. I have learned this many times and will continue to do so.
Femininity is not a weakness, and it is not an invitation of submission for people to take advantage of. It is just something we have not delved into fully without placing judgments on what it means. It is just as powerful as the masculine.
Softness does not mean weakness, it means flexibility, and in flexibility there is strength. Trust begins to form that no matter what happens, we will find the solution to a brighter outcome, a warming and welcoming way into life and its happenings.
To exude femininity is becoming in touch with your emotions and directing them into a gentler light, in harsh situations, this can be useful as we can come back to calmness. As we speak in a calm manner, the environment around us and the person(s) we are speaking to will also soften themselves.
Life is an art we choose to paint in whatever shape and form. We can always paint over it in any color, it is what the fun part of life is
Let me know your thoughts and if you would like to add anything in the process of your own way of looking at femininity
Neena x
